Neither Princess Nor Frog
by Canadino
Summary: Because if you thought the princess kissing the frog, turning him into the prince meant the story was over, then you were wrong. What if this wasn't the most ideal ending for everyone involved? Especially not the princess or the frog's brothers.
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: If Axis Powers Hetalia were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.**

Background music: --

**Minimal fluff 09!**

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Princess / Frog [1/3]

If you thought the story ended when the princess kissed the frog and the frog turned into a prince and married the princess…well, you were wrong.

--

Consider…the princess has a brother and isn't too keen on the fact that his sister (brother) is about to marry something that recently, had been an amphibian that hopped around in pond scum. That could possible turn out to be pond scum or sea foam himself.

--

Consider…the frog has a brother, who had been next in line to the throne when his brother disappeared and was about to step into the role when the brother appeared again, ready to take his spot back in the royal line.

--

Then you have the other side of the story.

Feliciano coming home and telling me he finally kissed the frog and hello! The frog turned into a handsome prince that asked for his hand in marriage…well, that was enough for me to wonder just how many mushroom my little brother smoked on his way here. But it was true; my dirt-headed little twin dragged home a mutt, a jerky looking guy with greased back hair who supported the stupid story about being turned into a frog.

And then, that meant that my brother had just pressed his lips to the slimy ones of a frog not too long ago.

It wasn't a pretty image.

I didn't even know what he was talking about, really. So I pushed the blonde frog prince out of our room and demanded that idiot I'm related to tell me the whole story. I wanted to know how Feliciano found such a weird frog, how it could ever happen in anyone's wildest dreams, and to tell me he wasn't going to get married as he claimed he was.

My little brother just laughed in my face.

Apparently, without anyone noticing, my little brother had been going out to meet a frog (a frog of all things! It couldn't be anything sweet, like a bird or a kitten). I had him backtrack – how had this happened without me noticing?

So, under all our noses, Feliciano had gone to the neighboring woods to try and find some wild basil to put in some of his pasta dishes. Dangerous, I know, and he's the only one of the family who will do such a stupid thing without bringing anyone along. Like it's never crossed his mind that anyone might attack a prince or hold him for ransom or even kill him. He doesn't worry about these sort of things, so I worry for him. Anyway, he was just skipping along the path when he came across this pond thing. And something just clicked in his brain that maybe the best basil could be found _in_ the pond.

So my brother, without so much as a second thought, started wading in a pond. A dirty, bacteria-infested pond where fish eat, sleep, shit, and have sex in. I couldn't do it; I don't know how he could. He was just getting to the part where the water was reaching past his knees when he heard someone talking to him.

Apparently, a frog was talking to him on a lily pad, and the first thing this "fateful" meeting (as Feliciano puts it) brings is the _thing_ saying, "You shouldn't go in deeper; you'll get wet."

My brother is planning on marrying Captain Obvious!

Arg, anyway, so Feliciano strikes up a conversation with the frog, which is not surprising since he can easily talk to anyone or anything – I stumbled upon him talking to a rock in the garden, which he claimed had a butterfly sitting on top of it but damn me to hell if there was any trace of bug on that rock. They call me crazy, sometimes, but I don't know…

The frog tells Feliciano he is a prince and he was just put under a spell.

And my brother believed him.

I'm not saying there are things you shouldn't believe in. There are lots of things you can just take at face value. I mean, you wouldn't have religion and trust and everything. So I'm not saying that you shouldn't believe things people tell you. But of all things, he believes a talking frog.

Whatever.

Feliciano says the frog wasn't very talkative the first time they spoke and he had been practically talking to himself as he dried himself out on the shore. It was getting dark, so my brother came back to the palace, but then, here's the kicker, he went back to talk to the frog for days. Weeks. I admit, this is negligence on my part; if I did my duty as an older brother monitor and protect him, he would not have slipped off into the forest alone to meet with a frog.

And then (this is the part where Feliciano starts squealing and becoming incomprehensible), the frog finally tells him that the witch that put a spell on him told him a kiss from his one true love would reverse the spell and turn him back to the prince he was. By now, Feliciano had implanted the notion in his head that he was indeed very much in love with this frog prince. So what does my brother do? Instead of thinking things over, consulting with _me_, or with anyone for that matter, he plucks the frog from the pond and plants one on those froggy lips (bleh!)! And then with a poof and a huge burst of smoke, there is a man standing over him in place of the frog!

Therefore, the blonde man, who Feliciano calls Ludwig. Prince Ludwig, from a few kingdoms next door. I personally have heard nothing of this prince, which either means he is nothing extraordinary, or he at least isn't infamous. But please. Any prince that allows himself to be caught and cursed by a witch is not worth the trouble. I tell Feliciano so, but my happy little brother says it doesn't matter, because it's fate, and he's in love.

What can one do if Feliciano is _in love_!

So here we are, weeks before this big wedding ceremony. Oh, Grandpa Roma was thrilled; I think he'd be thrilled if Feliciano told him he was going to streak through the kingdom for an artistic purpose. Actually, I think Roma wouldn't even care if Feliciano streaked for no good reason. My grandpa loves him like that. I don't care. That old man's so weird, I don't mind if he favors my brother over me.

Actually I do.

I'm very pissed when I think about it.

Right, back to the pre-marital things. Ugh, do I really need to talk about them? Is it really just me who thinks Ludwig should just go back where he comes from? I don't know if he loves my brother or not; all he does is just stand there and act awkward, but he hasn't called the whole ruse off yet. Then again, you really have to love Feliciano to put up with him day and night like I do. And Feliciano is getting quite annoying right now.

One day, it's the flower arrangements. The next is the color theme. The next is if there should be an orchestra or not. The next is if it should be held outdoors, or indoors, and if it were outdoors, which part of the grounds? Indoors, which room? He's gotten all the servants in a tizzy with his requests and ideas and he's just jotting them all down in his little sketchbooks, showing me all his drawings of his dream wedding.

Did I say Feliciano can draw better than me?

I get pissed off about that too.

Goddammit.

I love my brother, and he loves me, and he's very thickheaded and dense, but I think even he can sense my disapproval about the whole thing. He doesn't go to me all the time anymore with his ideas because he knows I'll shoot them all down. I don't mind; I really don't want to hear the difference between royal lavender and lavender haze (honestly, those colors are the same! I'm partially an artist too, and I know they're the same!).

I just don't want Feliciano to get married. I know I'm selfish but I don't like Ludwig and I don't like how he's just inserted himself into our lives. He hasn't done anything mean to me or said anything weird, but he's just a stranger and he doesn't belong here. I want him to just go away.

Romano, you say, why can't you just be happy for your brother?

Being happy for Feliciano and looking out for Feliciano are completely different things.

--

The very worst thing I have ever heard in my life happened a few days ago. And not a lot of things happen that really get me down. I mean, I'm so awesome. Awesome doesn't get hung over little things. Germania says this is why I wasn't first in line although I was older, but screw that. I don't like conforming to old people ways.

So about that…the worst thing _ever_! I heard that my missing younger brother, Ludwig, was found, safe and sound, in the Italia kingdom.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Ludwig or anything. Awesome doesn't hold petty grudges either. I mean, _duh_. And he's my brother! Who would hate their own sibling? I would know, I'm so awesome. But I really didn't want to hear this.

I mean, I didn't want to hear he was _dead_ either, but just not existing near me. He could float somewhere between missing and presumed dead. Or just alive and…you know…not here. Not close enough to the Deutsch kingdom.

Because, I'll have you know, I was _this _close to being king. _This_ close. I'm always _this_ close for so many things, and I honestly think I was going to get it. But then my brother, next in line, is discovered and I'm just blown aside.

Maybe I should explain. I wouldn't expect such awesome to penetrate and for you to understand immediately.

My grandpa Germania took me and my little brother Ludwig under his wing when we were still tots. Me, the older and far more awesome than my brother, I, Gilbert, was scheduled to rule when the inevitable death of that old man came about. I mean, that's what everyone told me and everyone knows the oldest gets first dibs. Well, at first, Germania didn't really teach us anything and wanted us to live in the palace. I didn't really get this, cause I thought he was supposed to teach us how to rule, but I guess he thought I was so awesome he didn't need to teach me anything. I spread my awesomeness around like jam on a biscuit.

Then, out of the blue, Germania told us that from his observations, Ludwig was going to be the next in line to the throne and I would be behind him. Imagine that! Such awesomeness like me seconded by my little uptight of a brother!

Ludwig knew how much I wanted to be king, but only an idiot would give up his spot. Even if he gave it up for me, I wouldn't have taken it.

Well, maybe I would have.

Whatever! Anyway, so that was that. I was marked behind my little brother because apparently I was too wild and stubborn and disobedient and all sorts of adjectives that were unsightly for a king. Hey, if I knew that old man liked people who sat and read over burning plants in the yard with a looking glass, I would definitely have stopped. Sometimes you have to kiss ass to get what you want. I'm so awesome it wouldn't affect me in a bad way.

I was sore about it. You can ask anyone. But I won't kill Ludwig myself. That's just not cool. And people would try and kill me if I got the throne. Assassinations aren't awesome, if they involve your own family.

But it wasn't me who put thistles in his bed.

It wasn't me who was throwing things at him from the roof when Germania taught him how to fight outside.

It wasn't me who wrote '_You're a doofus'_ all over his history essay (the only good thing about not being first in line is that you don't have to sit in classes with boring tutors that teach you things you don't want to learn!).

I mean, I got over it.

And then he disappeared. He had gone out for one thing or another and he didn't come back. We sent out search teams for days. Weeks. Everyone was concerned and hoping for his safety. Myself, I was kinda missing the guy. Even if he was a bit of a neat freak, he was my brother and I missed bothering him.

And then Germania pulled me aside and told me if we never ended up finding Ludwig, he trusted I could easily pick up the reins and become king in his place.

Not to say that I totally forgot my brother at that point, but…let's say I wasn't really keen on him coming back any time soon.

And let me tell you, Germania is getting _old_.

They were going to coronate me three days later if Ludwig hadn't shown up! Me! Awesome me! But now Ludwig was back, they all were getting ready to welcome back their new king! I was just next in line, and let's face it; Ludwig is younger than me, and I'm sure he's going to outlive me. I would never become king in this lifetime. So I was kind of pissed about this.

It's like someone offering you the chance to become king and then jerking it away.

Wait, that's my life!

--

So the days leading up to the damned wedding…Roma was acting like the typical doting mother. He said Feliciano had to wear a dress or the whole thing would be off center. And Feliciano likes wearing dresses anyway. He had a white lacy thing picked out already. I'm not saying I like Ludwig now, or can stand the fact he's getting hitched to my brother, but when Ludwig said that Feliciano wearing a dress was too weird, I kind of agreed with him.

But Feliciano's wearing the dress anyway.

No one wants to listen to me, so I've given up trying. Let Feliciano marry the bastard. I'm going to have nothing to do with it. Especially not if Feliciano is trying to find me, stupid dress in hand, insisting that I play the maid of honor. I swear, I don't think that brother of mine really comprehends that this is a wedding ceremony, not a dress up party. Nothing goes through that thick skull of his.

Did I mention I really hate Ludwig?

Anyway, a carriage appeared at the front gates all of a sudden and there were convoys from Deutsch kingdom to check on Ludwig's welfare and attend the wedding. I watched them from a window on the second floor. Feliciano greeted them like he was already married and this was his extended family. The people from Deutsch are so weird. They salute and do manly things as greetings. I think one of them nearly had a heart attack when Feliciano hugged him.

There's this albino guy that's sort of wandering around the grounds aimlessly. I don't know how he got in, but it can't be good. He's got this bad look in his eyes, like he wants to burn the place down or something. No one's said anything, so I assume he's part of the Deutsch mob that's taken over the palace. Apparently, they want to help with the wedding and all they're doing is cleaning the place.

I saw him coming up the hallway toward me and it was too late to duck into a room or turn the other way.

--

So I have to give it to Ludwig; to find a marriage prospect in Italia. I kind of like the place. It's really sunny and happy. It's kind of gloomy and rigid in Deutsch. No one really expects me to do anything, so I won't. I'm cool with my brother getting married, but I'm not cool with the fact that he's _there_, so I'll pretend I'm just here for show. I'm awesome enough.

I saw Feliciano in the hallway and I was kind of surprised he wasn't hanging around Ludwig. Lately, it seems that they come as a package deal. I've never seen one without the other. I thought this was kind of weird. "Hey, Feliciano! Where's Ludwig?"

Feliciano gave me this look that could melt fire. "I'm not Feliciano. I'm his twin brother, Romano. Remember that, bastard."

Well excuse me! I didn't live in the place! How could I have known? "That's kind of mean to say to your future brother in law," I said.

He gave me the one-over and obviously was not impressed, which I don't understand, seeing that I'm so awesome and great. "You're that kraut's brother? Why am I not surprised? The two of you radiate grossness to the level that I can't even stand looking at you." He was trying to walk away, but no one insults me and just walks away! So I followed him, as anyone would.

"You don't like Ludwig?"

"No. I hate him."

"Why?" The only one allowed to actually hate Ludwig is me. Otherwise, I'm kind of protective when it comes to my brother. This is madness.

Romano looks at me like I'm below his intellect. "In case you didn't know, he was a frog before my brother saved him. I don't approve of my brother marrying frogs. Not to mention he's such an anal freak. He doesn't belong here. He should go back to the pond where he came from." Romano sort of turns away from me, indignant like he's expecting me to refute that so he can swear at me.

"I sort of don't like my brother either." I didn't mean to say that. It just slipped out. But Romano turns to me, sort of surprised, and without the frown and glare, he kind of looks cute like Feliciano.

"Did you just say that?"

"I did." Awesome doesn't take back anything. "You think it's hard on you, but I wasn't too great about hearing he was back."

"How can you say that about your own brother?" Yeah, looking at it that way, I could see Romano would basically do anything for his twin. They're sort of priceless for that. I chuckled.

"Well, it doesn't seem to be a problem with you," I say, "but before he was discovered, I was supposed to be king. He was first in line before he was whisked away." I had heard of the frog story, but I was skeptical about it myself, but Ludwig confirmed it, so it had to be true. "And since we didn't know if he was coming back, they were going to crown me, but then your brother turned him back and now I'm back in the useless pot."

Romano looks at me like he just saw me. "So you don't like this either."

"No, I don't."

I think we've reached a mutual understanding. At least, he doesn't look like he wants to eat my head off anymore. That's good.

And that was when the idea popped in my head. It was a bad idea. It was a rotten plot. But it was so good. I couldn't help it. And I found someone who shared the same (or almost the same) sediments as I did. I sort of stopped in the middle of the hallway, stuck by my brilliance. I think it was a good sign Romano stopped too and turned to look at me. It was now or never.

"I think we should go find the witch and make her turn him back into a frog."

--

to be continued

Note: The fact that no one questions the existence of a talking frog is proof enough that this is Hetalia world. I sort of was excited they were finally including more races in Disney movies, what with the new Princess and the Frog movie coming out. So this popped into my mind. Not the first I try a threeshot or a fairy tale parody. I hope you like. Enough to keep reading, at least. Review, please.


	2. The Middle

**Disclaimer: If Axis Powers Hetalia were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.**

Background music: ---

**Minimal fluff 09!**

**---**

Neither Princess Nor Frog [2/3]

My first thought when the albino brother-of-that-bastard (I realized then I didn't even know his name) proposed that crackpot idea was, I had to have heard wrong. Maybe he didn't say witch, he said with cheese. Maybe he didn't say frog; maybe I misheard fucking off. But neither of those made sense with the context of the sentence, so I had to accept the idea.

He wanted us (us, not just him, but me included) to go find the witch that cast the original spell on blonde bastard and make him turn him back.

What the _hell_?

--

Romano was unwilling at first. He gave me a look that Germania gives me whenever I ask my old man gramps if I can go out and pillage a nearby village. Well, I've gotten used to such negative looks so I wasn't discouraged at all.

"I'm serious!" I said seriously, when Romano opened his mouth to comment on my sanity or awesome, I don't know. "Both of our troubles could be solved if he turned back into a frog and hopped off on his merry way!"

"You are seriously fucked in the head," he told me.

"No, listen!" I flourished a hand, which is very kingly, which is why I can't imagine why Germania wouldn't want me to be king. I'm basically a chock full of awesome. "If he turned back into a frog, your brother wouldn't have to marry him. I don't think it would weigh good with your kingdom if your brother married a _frog_. The only reason he's getting hitched now is cause my brother's a human. And then when he's a frog, he's also unable to rule, so I would become next in line to be king again, as I should! See? It solves both our problems."

Romano snorted, turning to face me with his weak logic and general inferiority. "First of all," he said, sounding very condescending, "that is a stupid plan. Say we find this witch. Why should she listen to us, and what would prevent Feliciano from kissing him and turning him back again? I don't mind magic on that man, but there's no sparkly fairy dust touching my brother."

"She should listen to us because we'll ask very nicely!" I insisted. "And anyway, come on. Look at me. I'm awesome." I'm not going to say I showed off or bragged or anything…but…I sort of…you know. Basked in the glow of admiration. Duh. Romano laughed, like I'd made a joke or something.

"Okay," he said, although he sounded sort of awed by my coolness. "But if your brother turns back into a frog, why shouldn't Feliciano go find him and kiss him again?"

"That is because you're so stupid, twin," I said, tapping him on the nose, a gesture that doesn't seem to sit well with anyone outside of the Deutsch kingdom. Romano nearly ripped my finger off. "The witch must have gotten the spell wrong the first time. This time, we'll turn him into a frog _permanently_."

Romano raised his eyebrows. "This is _your brother_, we're talking about. You're okay with him being a frog forever?"

I shrugged. I had nothing to say to that.

I was expecting Romano to thank me, or at least show some sort of admiration. He didn't have to hug and kiss me, but then again, he didn't have to just stand there and stare at me. "I don't know," he said finally. "I don't know if I want to take part in that insane plot of yours."

My ideas are usually shot down. I've gotten over the disappointment phase and moved on to the negotiating side. "Come on. Think about it. He'd be out of the way."

"I don't know if I hate him enough to follow you on a crazy, pointless journey to find some woman and make her turn him into an animal. You don't know what you're doing, I won't know what I'm doing. It's crazy." Romano shook his head. "I don't even know you."

"I'm Gilbert," I scoffed. "Gilbert, king of Deutsch Land! You'll be calling me that when I'm coroneted!"

Romano sort of stormed away and ignored me when I tried to call him back. I know a lost cause when I see one. That's okay. I can go find the witch myself and ask her to turn him into a frog. I don't need someone else. I only suggested it because I thought it would be something Romano was interested in, since he doesn't like Ludwig much. And it doesn't hurt to have extra exposure to awesome.

And then, I don't know how long it was later, it wasn't very long, Romano came out of nowhere, breathless, and grabbed me. "I'll do it. Shut your mouth and don't say anything about it. But I'll go with you to find this witch and turn that bastard of yours into a damned frog!"

--

It was the dress.

Feliciano had finally cornered me when I shook myself free from Gilbert's beastly company. God, I hate the way he looks at me, like he's about to eat me if I don't stay away. I was too concerned with dodging that idiot and Feliciano found me as I tried to make my way to my room.

"Romano! There you are!" Snatching me and holding me still in the corridor, Feliciano flourished a frilly, lacey, ridden-with-bows red dress with a white, silk petticoat underneath. "Cute, right?"

"I thought you wanted to wear white."

"It's not for me! It's for _you_! Can you come with me now and get to the seamstress and she can fix it up for you! I used my own measurements but you might be slightly different and…wait, brother, where are you going? The seamstress is that way!"

I really didn't want to work with Gilbert. But given the choice between a hideous dress and an animal, I'd pick an animal any day.

It was a spur of the moment alliance. It didn't mean we were best friends or even close companions, and by the time we managed to slip away and set off to find this witch of his, it struck me more and more how idiotic this mission was and how stupid I was to agree to this in the first place.

"Gilbert," I said, as we wandered through the nearby forest to get to the nearest town from the palace. "Where exactly would one find a witch?"

Gilbert shrugged, marching in front of me. We, being scatter-brained members of royalty, didn't bring anything besides a few coins. I mean, it was bad judgment on my part, as I rarely go off anywhere for a long period of time alone, but Gilbert seemed to want to prove he was Man of the Wild or something. "I'm sure we'll ask around and she should be right where they tell us to be!"

Did I also say we walked out in our normal clothes, so the villagers noticed us immediately?

Gilbert is such an attention whore. Instead of focusing on this journey of ours, he just stood around and let himself get mobbed by the people around him. I really shouldn't have agreed with this, but I didn't want to go back and get attacked by Feliciano and his seamstress. I dragged him away from himself and found ourselves a little place where we could exchange our current clothes for more common rags, along with a little bit of money. Gilbert almost would rather have been turned a frog himself than put on commoner clothes.

"I'm not putting those on!" he whined.

So I had to undress him myself. I mean, I didn't like wearing those scratchy, stiff clothes, but I'm not a princess. Sometimes a prince's got to do what a prince's got to do. And this was all for the sake of the welfare of my little brother. So I, in essence, stripped Gilbert and redressed him like he was only five. He tried to resist, but I showed him I knew how to convince too. I'm not going to be specific, but you know what one can do when the person in question is wearing nearly nothing and is of the male gender. It includes pain. Intense pain.

I'm kind of proud to say I knocked Gilbert down a rung. I think he thought I was just a fluffy-headed idiot like my brother.

"I didn't know you could do that," Gilbert hissed, wobbling along behind me when we left the shop. I smirked and jammed a cap on his head; after all, albinos in Italia are far and few.

I know you're wondering how the witch would know who exactly we were, besides the fact that she was a witch and could probably read minds. Gilbert wouldn't give up the cross crest he wore around his neck and I wouldn't make him. My brother and I have shards of a ring that only fit with each other and I wear it around my neck. I would be completely crazy to give that up.

So after that was settled, we still found ourselves in the middle of a village and unable to pinpoint which direction we should look for the witch.

"He disappeared around my house," Gilbert said helpfully, maybe the only useful thing that's ever come out of his mouth. "So maybe if we retrace his steps, we can find the witch. Everyone's worrying about Ludwig, so they won't be too congested at the palace. We should be able to sneak around."

I think I should point out that Deutsch kingdom is a bit far from the center of Italia. Much farther than you would think. And we couldn't risk taking too elaborate means of transportations, or else we'd get noticed. We also didn't have too much on us, and there was no one means of travel that was a one-way trip to that place.

There _were_, however, roads that connected the village to the center of Deutsch, so we could easily walk.

I knew that when this was over, and Gilbert became king and Feliciano no longer had to marry that son of a biscuit eater, I was going to invade his vital regions, and _painfully_.

--

I love love love love love love love Romano. Well…maybe all brothers love their brothers too, but I love Romano with seven 'love's. He's my favorite brother! Oh, right…he's my _only_ brother too…but he's my favorite!

I really don't like doing things that will upset him. He gets angry easily. I don't like it when he's mad at me. It makes me sad. But when I'm sad, he's not mad at me anymore. That's why I love Romano. He always doesn't want me to be hurt or upset. We never keep secrets so he knows when I skipped classes to find parsley and I know when he snuck into the kitchen and stole the cheese grater so I could use it in our room! Oh, that's another reason! He does things like that for me. I have the best big brother ever!

But I do love Ludwig, very much too, so I couldn't let Romano tell me not to marry him. I will do anything or stop doing anything for Romano, but not marrying Ludwig was just not going to happen.

I knew Romano was unhappy. But what could I do about it? If I tried to make him not mad, he'd tell me the only way was not to marry Ludwig. And I already said that wasn't happening. If I tried to include him in my planning, he'd just sulk and tell me I shouldn't get married to Ludwig. Basically, everything I did, he also added I shouldn't marry Ludwig. I have all the patience in the world with Romano, but I can't just talk with him if I'm talking to a brick wall.

And I knew Romano was hiding from me, because he didn't like the dress I picked out. I looked at all of them. They all didn't say Romano except for the red one. I thought he'd look cute in it! But he got very mad when I showed it to him! He ran off! So I thought, well, I'm Romano's sizes, and I had the seamstress make it look good on me so it would look good on him too.

And then Ludwig came up to me and asked me had I seen Romano, because his brother was missing and maybe something had happened to all the older brothers in the land! Well, maybe I added in that last part, but he said he hadn't seen Gilbert, and if Gilbert was missing, that usually meant something else was gone too.

So I looked around. And Romano was _gone_!

You could imagine I was worried! Romano's my bestest twin brother! I would never do anything without him! I mean, I was going to get married to Ludwig without his consent, but I wouldn't get married without him! I told everyone that until we found Romano, the wedding was postponed. And anyway, Gilbert's gonna be part of the family too, so I guess I want him to see it too. I can't be happy if Romano's not here.

--

I wasn't very appreciative about traveling with Romano at first. That boy can be about as friendly as a cat in a cactus bush. He liked to make jibes at my lack of intellect and relatively low level of attraction. I think he was a bit overwhelmed by my awesomeness and wanted to feel like he was adequate. Sometimes he just said things that made no sense and then told me such jokes just went over my head.

In other words, he wasn't a very good companion at times.

But other times, he could be so sweet. Like that one time when I was talking to this girl on the street and she said she was the witch and if I'd come with her to her house and her room, she could show me how to turn my brother into a frog again. I was going to follow her when Romano came out nowhere and dragged me away, telling me I was so stupid and not to follow strangers, like I was ten.

"She said she was the witch!" I said (very awesomely, despite being dragged down by a short, not-awesome person like Romano).

"She was lying," he said, rolling his eyes. "Honestly. Where would you be if I wasn't here to get you out of trouble?"

He talks all about leaving me on my own, but he always does things like that. Sweet, little things that make me think if he really means that he wants me to rot on the side of the road. He says he can go find the witch by himself but he gets all bent out of shape when I sort of abandon him to look for the witch myself.

He scoffs at me when I tell my awesome stories but he laughs at the right times.

He only watches when I get into arguments with villagers but steps in before we get in a fight.

He lets me wander off on my lonesome but always calls for me before I do something stupid.

Romano's kind of cute. In a grumpy, disgruntled sort of way.

Tonight, one of the many nights we have to find our way again because somehow we've wandered off into the wrong direction, we couldn't find a town to stay in. But me, being as awesome as I am, can stay outdoors and be completely fine. We found a barn to sleep in. I mean, _I_ found it to sleep in; Romano whined about breaking and entering but followed me when I told him he could sleep outside if he wanted to.

It's really warm in this thing, which I didn't know was possible. It's a bit more homely than the palace, and I thought that place was good enough for such awesome like me. Romano grumbled, like he always does, but now he's asleep, curled up in a bundle of hay. Hay. It's a funny thing.

I'm pretty awesome. I think you should get it by now. Awesome things like me don't take advantage of people in their sleep. But Romano was completely open. And awesome people take opportunities when they knock. So as Romano slept on, I kissed him in the hay.

Hay. It's a funny thing.

--

What did Gilbert tell you about me? Because I'm sure by the way he's acting lately means something's up. He was always obnoxious and pigheaded, but he's been more so as of late.

Not only that but…he's gotten more…_affectionate._

Is this some sort of affliction that Deutsch citizens go through? I didn't have a chance to ask Feliciano before I hightailed Italia.

I think it's gotten into that dumb head of his that I'm some sort of princess to be saved. I don't know how we've gotten to be 'best friends' as he puts it. If saving his ass and protecting him from his idiot ways counts as best friend material, then I guess so. In fact, now, he's getting more and more idiotic, so there're a lot of things I have to stop him from doing.

What a flashy bastard.

I don't think he's remembered what our mission is anymore.

But we're closing in on Deutsch kingdom, so we're on the right track. Someone we've veered off to the Kingdom of France, whose king Francis Gilbert seems to know. In fact, Gilbert seems to get along with anyone he meets. Just like my brother. And those kinds of people end up getting tricked into anything since they're so friendly.

Can we not talk about Francis? Other than the only time I was glad I was traveling with Gilbert, because I swear that man was about to jump into bed with me if that albino bastard didn't stop him. Not pleasant memories. I thought we were talking about our journey to find the witch.

Weirdly enough, we have to sneak into Deutsch kingdom even though Gilbert is of royal descent. You'd think that once we were in his territory, he'd get us to the forest place, but he doesn't seem to be in any sort of rush. Well, I am. I want to go home and make sure that Ludwig bastard hasn't touched my brother. If one hair on my twin's head has been tampered with, that blonde is going _down_.

The palace isn't too far off, so the grounds are just within our reach. We're actually walking toward it. I'm a bit surprised myself. I never thought we'd actually get here.

Then, of course, Gilbert has to go off on a tangent and get us lost in the damn place. You wouldn't think he'd lived here for most his life. What a brainless idiot. And to add to the worseness of the situation, it started raining as we wandered around this place in the middle of nowhere.

So we found this little cabin. I was so wet by now I didn't even complain about breaking and entering. But for your information, it's a crime to do so. Don't just enter places without asking if it's locked. Whatever. Gilbert, Mister Nature Man, set up a fire and we were just hanging our clothes to dry when he just looks at me funny.

"What do you want?" I say, as patiently as possible, because you have to have the patience of a _saint_ to deal with that man.

He just looks at me, something unlikable dancing in those red eyes of his. I don't think he's going to talk about his awesomeness right now. I don't know what he's going to start on, but I think it's got something to do with me. Which I hate, because he always has to make it uncomfortable. I actually wish he'd talk about his damn childhood right now.

"I want to kiss you right now," he says. "Can I?"

That was unexpected. "I don't know," I say sarcastically, flinging a handful of water from wringing my shirt out at him. "Are you capable of such an action?"

"Well, of course," he says, correcting himself quickly. "I mean, may I?"

"Of course you may not! Why would you even ask--"

And then, although I flat out rejected him in the most forward way possible, he leans over and kisses me, and that's that. And it's not a quick peck either. It's an actual kiss. Apparently, my attempt to push him away results strangely in my arms around his neck. How this happens is beyond me. I swear that cabin is cursed.

I think…the circumstance involving most of clothing drying near that fire of his has put some certain notions in his head. Like how far he's allowed to take this whole thing. Before I can regain my senses, he's flung me onto this cot thing in the corner of the room and before he can jump on me, like it was _mutual_…

It's in my nature. I kicked him. Painfully. In his condition, it was _extra_ painful. I think if he was a cat, he'd have lost a life. He just sort of kneeled there for a while, and I almost laughed at him.

"I don't know what you were thinking," I say coolly, surveying his pitiful form. "But I'm _not_ interested in you that way."

To be continued

--

Note: Gilbert! Denied! Attacked in the vital regions _twice_ in one chapter! Today is just not your day! And while I'm aware it's Pearl Harbor day, if you want to read something about America, read my latest 21st Breakdown chapter. Anyway, second part of this threeshot. Enjoyable so far? Yes? Review, please.


	3. The End

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.**

Background music: --

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Neither Princess Nor Frog [3/3]

So I was denied. Whenever have I ever been approved? First it was the good behavior and then the throne and then Romano. Honestly. I thought my awesome would get me somewhere. It just seems people can't take it and they just push me away.

I didn't let it get to me. I definitely didn't beg Romano to let me rape him. That wouldn't be awesome of me.

--

Is that what he told you? How thick! Can I copy Gilbert for a moment?

I think he said something and it went a little like this… "_Oh, Romano, please, please, please, I won't make it hurt in the slightest! I'm really good at it! I can practically have sex with anything! You'll like it a lot, I promise!"_

Look, I'm not that desperate to be knocked up by someone like Gilbert. Please.

--

We already snuck across the border. We were in the castle grounds. Not to brag or anything, but I live on this _huge_ estate. Huge. I'm talking hundreds of awesome acres. And Romano was whining about how it was taking so long.

"We've been walking around in circles. You don't know where this witch woman is, do you?"

If I wanted to complain, I would have said something about how he cock-blocked me, but I'd gotten past that and I wasn't going to dredge up old memories. I only told him that no one was sure where exactly Ludwig disappeared and if we just wandered around, maybe the witch would come and find _us_. He just crossed his arms and pouted.

"Why did your brother show up on Italia land?" Romano asked.

Hell if I knew. I know Ludwig likes to work out and everything and train, and it wasn't beyond him to appear in Italia on foot, but keep in mind he _was_ hopping. I don't know what it feels like to be a frog, but I'm sure hopping that distance must be tiring.

"It was the call of his heart, darlings. What are you doing in this forest?"

I told him the witch would come find us! When we turned to see who had interrupted us, we saw this woman. She was cute and dainty, but she was also holding what looked like a frying pan. There was flowers in her hair that made her look like a nature-tree hugger. Her dress was a simple green material with an apron. I didn't think she was the witch at first, but somehow Romano knew.

"You're the witch!" he said.

She looked pleasantly surprised. "Ah! My name is Elizavita, but yes, some do refer to me as the witch of this forest. What do I owe the pleasure?"

Before we could ask her to turn Ludwig back to a frog, she slapped herself in the forehead. I was starting to think that maybe she had lost her marbles when she chirped, "Where are my manners? Why are we talking out here? The rain has just fallen; the dew I need to collect does not need to hear our conversation. Come; follow me and I'll give you two a smidgeon of tea before we hop to business!"

Romano gave me a look that said "Let's not follow her because who knows what sort of things she might slip us and she obviously doesn't seem too worked up about your awesome factor, which is much higher than mine." Yeah, on that subject, the witch didn't seem too surprised to see me. I would think anyone would prostrate themselves before me of my awesomeness. Then again, Romano rejected me; I guess maybe it was bad luck still following me around.

But Ludwig was a human, and that was beckon enough to make us follow her. And besides, I'm sure I could kick that witch's ass any day. So she has magic. Whatever. My awesome overrides that.

--

I don't know what possessed me to hop to Italia when I was a frog. One day, I went out to explore the lands Germania told me I would one day rule and I stumbled across this woman who seemed to be having difficulty collecting some herbs. I know I come off as stoic and unfriendly, but if someone needs help, I won't hesitate. I found all the red flowers she was looking for.

I wasn't expecting much of a thanks, since this woman didn't seem like the kind of person who would be able to give you anything but words of gratitude, but she just looked at me with her apron full of flowers and turned me into a frog.

"I'm the witch of this forest, and I've bewitched you into a frog! But when you've found the person who'll bewitch your heart, one kiss will turn you back to normal! Good day!" And before I could tell her to turn me back right, she skipped off and I couldn't find her afterwards.

I didn't think I would be welcome back at the castle, and with Gilbert in his violent ways, he might try and cut one of my legs off so I tried to avoid the place as much as possible. I heard there were groups looking for me, but what could I do? When I called for them, I only croaked and no one would believe me anyway.

Something like recklessness seized me and I found myself hopping in some direction. At the time, I didn't know where I was going, just my legs were carrying me to some place. I don't know how long it took me, or anything because the details are fuzzy, but I finally settled in this little pond. It was a nice pond. Something told me to stay there, so I just waited for a while.

When you're a frog, flies taste much better than you would think.

I was dozing off that day when I heard someone splashing around in the pond. When I opened my eyes, I saw a boy, or actually it was a young man, just crawling around in the pond. I don't like that kind of frivolity; it's okay, I guess, to goof around, but if you're mucking around in a pond, that's not okay. I opened my mouth to tell him off, expecting croaks, but to my surprise, my voice returned and I told him to stop before he got more wet.

Well, that happened to be a mistake. The boy turned to me and started talking to me as if he had only been waiting for me to speak. He talked and talked and talked and talked and finally I told him it was getting late and he left, saying he would come back.

Surprisingly, he did.

It was mostly talking on his part. He told me everything about himself. What could I say? I was a frog. He never asked me how I could talk, or anything specific. He just thought I was a friend, that's all. I grew accustomed to his visits. It was nice; being a frog for that long, it was a while since I had talked like that to someone.

I don't know why it came up, but one day, I told Feliciano about how I was turned into a frog and he just plucks me off the lily pad and kisses me. Frog or human, I was surprised at it happening. It never crossed my mind before. But then I felt something akin to stretching and when I blinked, I was human again.

So apparently, according to the witch, my heart was bewitched by Feliciano. I had apparently 'fallen in love' with him.

I don't really mind, I guess.

--

Oh my gosh! Are you asking me about Ludwig? The nice blond man who helped me find my herbs? Well, glad you asked!

So not a lot of people help me out when they see me. First, they think it's strange that a woman is wandering around in the forest by herself and in my condition. Maybe they're expecting a queen or something on the palace grounds. I lived here much longer than the palace was around, you know. You can't just displace me from my home. And after they get over the fact that I'm a woman, they think I'm up to no good because I've got flowers in my hair and dirt under my fingernails. Women can work too, you know! I wasn't going to complain though; if I made a fuss, I might really be kicked out.

Anyway, I was wandering around trying to find my red flowers when this man comes of nowhere and asks me if I need some help. He was so nice to just come and ask me! I didn't think he was there to cause trouble, so I told him what I was looking for, and he went and found them and gave them to me for no charge! I was very surprised.

I didn't have any love potions or anything on me to thank him, so I supposed I ought to do something good in return. I knew he didn't have anyone he loved, so I hexed him into a frog. Cliché, I know, but it's cute to watch a frog prince find his princess and have them walk off into the sunset. Actually, I prefer a frog prince finding another prince, but that's a whole different animal.

I had a feeling he wouldn't know where to go, so I sort of…well…cast a spell to make him go somewhere. Even I didn't know where he would end up. He would know on his own.

And then he found someone! I was so happy when I heard he was finally getting married!

And then I was wandering around to see if I could see some festivities and I stumbled upon his brother and a boy! Living on the palace grounds, I know everyone at the palace. I was surprised he was looking for me. I guess being a witch with magical powers, I owe them an audience if they were looking for me.

Aw, but they were so cute together! I took some pictures when they weren't looking.

--

So the witch brings us to a cave. Sketchy already. I mean, we were following this strange woman into a cave. Oh, with Gilbert too. I've been told many times not to follow strangers. Or known perverts. I was a bit uneasy, but if this was really the witch I wasn't going to complain.

I don't know why I knew she was the witch. She just has a kind of witch demeanor, Elizavita.

Anyway, she brings us downstairs to a little sitting room and she waves her hands around and some cups come out of thin air and fill with a strong smelling tea. "Drink up," she says, as if she hadn't spiked it with anything. I was going to warn Gilbert, but the idiot just drank the whole cup and he didn't just kneel over so I drank a little. It tasted like roots.

"So what did you come here for?"

"We want you to turn my brother, Ludwig, back into a frog."

Elizavita looked surprised. "Whatever would you want that for? He just was turned back into a human by his true love!"

"That's the case," I said. "He may have gotten this true love thing wrong."

"Impossible. My magic doesn't just break for anything. It must have been reacting to strong feelings. Your brother was the one he was meant for."

I didn't ask how she knew this stuff. She was a witch, after all. Gilbert tried his reasoning. "Listen, broad, I'm going to be king. No doubt about it. My awesomeness makes me the best candidate. Now that he's back, things won't work out like that. You've got to turn him back."

"That's selfish and I couldn't possibly grant that wish," Elizavita sniffed.

"You've got to!"

"The way I see it," she said scathingly, looking a bit menacing for a woman, "is that both your desires to turn Ludwig back into a frog are pure selfishness. You want to be king so much that you'd wish misfortune on your brother to get it. And you." She turned to me, looking slightly livid. "You can't stand Ludwig, although he's done nothing bad to you, and you've totally neglected to see how happy your brother is! Now I know you don't particularly like your brother all that much, but surely you don't want him to be unhappy! He'll be heartbroken if Ludwig is turned back to a frog, and _permanently, _as I know you two want it."

I shivered. She had read our minds.

"I do read minds. Or I can. It's a talent I can turn on and off." She smirked matter-of-factly. "So I can't possibly turn him back to a frog."

"There must be a way we can negotiate," Gilbert persisted.

Elizavita studied us. "Well, I suppose there _is_ a way…" she said slowly, looking as if she was undressing us both with her eyes. "But it won't be pleasant…"

Gilbert shifted so he was in front of me. Please! Like I needed his protection. I just didn't move because if she sent a spell flying our way, he'd get hit first.

"You can't touch Romano," Gilbert said, like the fake awesome hero he thinks he is.

"Oh, I won't be. It'll be a kind of cute punishment. But no! I can't do that!" She shook her head as if she had been possessed. "No matter how cute the photos…I can't! Ludwig will not turn into a frog. He will be human! Do you know how much those two need each other! You two are so dense!" She slapped us around, although I had the advantage of the Gilbert shield. "Romano, you need to wake up and see that Feliciano is super happy! And you yourself haven't felt love, so you wouldn't know! But you will, soon." The strange grin made me feel a bit uneasy. Surely she wasn't insinuating Gilbert. Yuck.

Thankfully, she turned to Gilbert, so I could sneak out from behind him and out of reach in case her aim accidentally hit me. Gilbert shot me a pleading look but I just smirked at him. "And you, Gilbert! You need a reality check! You are _not_ awesome! Not in the slightest! And slow and steady _does_ win the race sometimes! You've got to learn that pushing it won't get you anywhere! And let's face it! Sometimes there are winners and losers! And I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you; but you seem to be more of the latter!"

Ouch.

"So you won't grant our wish?" I asked, giving Gilbert time to process this blow to the pride. Jerk or not, it wasn't pleasant to hear these things. Elizavita turned to me.

"I'm sorry, but I won't. I can't. But thanks for trying."

--

So what happened after that bitch said mean things to me out of jealousy, me and Romano blinked and suddenly we were back at the palace in Italia. Feliciano came out of nowhere and hugged his brother, gushing something about his disappearance and the marriage had been postponed and dress colors and franticness.

But in other words, a few days later, we older brothers found ourselves at the back of the ceremonial hall in the palace and Feliciano and my brother were getting ready to exchange vows.

Just like that. For all that trouble of sneaking out, we had just been plucked and realigned into our original positions. Romano was sulking next to me and everyone was just beaming and all that sickness.

"I can't believe for all our trouble, this is what happens," Romano grumbled, glaring at me like it was my fault.

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "My awesomeness has taken a blow and it couldn't overwhelm this whole ordeal to shut it down."

Romano chuckled and I sort of wished I could kiss him or jump him or something but before I could act on any of those thoughts, he wandered away to inspect the reception – as if he could mess up something as sabotage or something maybe? I just watched him walk away.

"Great wedding, right?"

One of my best friends, Antonio Carriedo, walked up to me just as my brother and Feliciano kissed in front of the whole congregation and a loud rush of sighs filled the air. He was dressed to the nines, grinning under his still messy hair. Apparently, Roma had invited all sorts of royalty to the event for some reason. To show off his grandson? Because my awesome body was there and it would just be an excuse to all who showed up to see me? My other friend, Francis was sitting somewhere in the rows of pews with his own love interest, a blonde duke from a district of his own land – Matthew.

"Spiff-tastic," I said sarcastically. I was too busy still watching Romano dip his finger into the cake and lick it clean. It was very distracting. Antonio followed my line of vision and I think he did a double take.

"Who is _that_?" he asked in a hushed voice, pointing obviously. "That guy looks like the one your brother's getting married to!"

"That's Feliciano's brother," I explained very matter-of-factly like it didn't matter to me. "Romano."

"He's…" Antonio shook his head, a grin spreading across his face. "Excuse me, Gilbert. I've got to introduce myself." And without further ado, he rushed off to talk to Romano and by the way Romano was looking at my friend, I remembered what that witch said and this whole thing wasn't fun anymore.

--

I was _not_ going to sabotage Feliciano's reception! I just wanted to make sure the cake was really buttercream decorated. I also wanted to make sure the punch wasn't spiked. I definitely didn't spit into it.

Anyway, this whole thing was stupid. Feliciano was getting married, my grandpa was being stupid, everyone was just acting like idiots. I had to get out of there.

I knew Gilbert was watching me. It was annoying. Can't a guy take a hint? I'm not interested! But if he didn't keep his eyes to himself, I wasn't going to make a scene. I mean, I know I'm good looking.

I saw someone coming closer to me and I was going to turn and tell Gilbert to march his ass back to the chapel and stay away from me, but it wasn't Gilbert. It was someone I didn't know; a dark-haired man with a charming smile and self-assurance that was oddly appropriate for him.

Feliciano always talks about how his heart basically did gymnastics when he saw Ludwig and how it was a sign of true love, and I don't believe all that crap, but my heart was skipping over itself when he came over to me. I really wasn't trying to make myself presentable. I was just standing straighter because royalty has to look somewhat good when meeting someone new. I _didn't_ think I should have checked my breath, after sneaking a forkful of pasta from Feliciano's plate! I didn't! This guy wasn't anything special!

I didn't give him the respect of even looking at him, really, but he just walked over to me and smiled that damn charming smile and said, "Hi. I don't believe we've met. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

"How should I know?" I snapped.

"Enough to break the ice. _Hola_, I'm Antonio. What's your name?"

What a cheesy pickup line. Really. I only took his hand to be polite and the sparks that appeared were from the static from the carpet. Honestly. I really wasn't planning on getting to know this guy better, because it was a bit clear he wanted to get in my pants like Gilbert. What is it with his friends?

Not that I would let him!

--

I never expected Romano to like me back or anything. I mean, I know the bad ones get punished and I was the bad one who conceived the idea of getting rid of my brother. Karma always comes back to get you, you know? I sort of thought of this while I watched my brother marry one of the twins of Italia and the other twin slyly resist the flirtations of my best friend. And I'm always one surrounded with disappointments and shortcomings, because it's just the woes that come with awesomeness.

I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party or anything. I never asked to be turned into a frog and wait for Romano either. I'm not trying to get you to feel sorry for me as I do right now, but you know, when it comes down to it. Stuff like this happens to me, and I'm wicked, and no one loves the wicked.

End

--

Note: OUCH!! Shot down, Prussia! But we love you anyway! "It's just so fun exploring alone!" But yeah, finally this last chapter comes out. I can't do threeshots in time. The first two come out relatively quick and the last one takes a while. At least this was better than the last threeshot I did – it took a year to finish the last chapter. So yeah! Did you like? Review to save Prussia's awesome!


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